New Company helps bums
With “Home-In-A-Box” – CoverUps.com

Across America, House-In-A-Box Inc., a scrappy new company, is trying to sell a new product it claims will help alleviate the problems of the “house-challenged” – and is running into problems of its own.

By Fredericka Kozlowski
CoverUps Investigative Reporter

Mark Robertson, the CEO of House-In-A-Box (HBO International) is a puzzled fellow these days. His company gives a helping hand to the homeless, not by forcing them to stand in long lines for a bowl of bland, tasteless soup, but by giving them something that really matters: a house.

House-In-A-Box CEO Mark Robertson says his revolutionary product will mean salvation for the homeless and down-on-their-luck people – like the penniless iPod commercial silhouette guy in the background (read this story for more details).

“You’d think everyone would be giving me parades and thanking me for solving a terrible social problem,” said Robertson, who was kind enough to speak with CoverUps.com “Instead, I’ve somehow become one of the most hated businessmen in America. What gives?”

Robertson isn’t far off the mark. In recent months homeless advocacy groups have literally burned him in effigy from coast to coast. They have called him and his company heartless, cruel, and all too willing to reinforce negative stereotypes about the homeless. He says he’s had to hire armed body guards to protect him at trade shows and infomercial production shoots. Through it all, he refuses to back down about the virtues of his product.

Riot troops had to be called out when enraged volunteers from Habitat For Humanity tried to disrupt a trade show attended by Robertson, who met with the rioters outside the convention hall to try and reason with them, but barely escaped with his life.

“We’re not about pretending to help the homeless by sending them through the social-service revolving doors that only further demoralize them and waste the people’s tax dollars," Robertson said. "We hit right at the root of the problem, and simply give the bums a place to lay their head – and at a low cost too.”

While some groups, like Habitat For Humanity and The Salvation Army have resorted to violence, others, like Help The Bums, Inc. (a DNC subsidiary) are waging their war in the media with full page ads like the one below:

But Jane DeFalla, the model who posed in this ad, turns out to be a fan of Robertson and his product, and is now suing to have herself disassociated with Help The Bums, Inc.

“During the shooting of the ad, I found that the cardboard actually had surprising padding features, and excellent insulation,” she told CoverUps.com. “I was working up a sweat in there after five minutes – so it’s sure to keep hobos warm on a cold night.”

“Our houses are extremely cost-efficient, and durable," said Robertson proudly. "The cardboard is not only softer than regular cardboard, but stronger. Wind resistance is unmatchable, plus, it’s larger than your typical box – but not too bulky. We made sure it could easily be folded up and transported. Cardboard technology has come a long way over the years. This is the Age Of Cardboard.”

House-In-A-Box has already flourished in cities like Detroit, New York, and Chicago. HBO Intl. hopes its growing success will allow them to market the product to third world countries, and especially to West Coast cities in the United States, where they are most urgently needed.

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