When Karen’s younger cousin Tammy was robbed, beaten, and raped, Karen naturally wanted to do all she could to help. She went into take-charge mode, insisting her relative move in with her for the next few weeks, take time off from work, and just relax and de-stress. Once Tammy arrived, Karen pulled her into a lengthy, enveloping hug. “I wanted Tammy to realize how much I cared,” Karen explained.

Karen then led Tammy to the sofa, offered tea, and began strongly advising her on what the next steps should be—undergoing a medical exam, filing a police report, making an appointment with a therapist…

Karen clearly meant well, but the gestures she made might have unintentionally caused harm. While nothing can erase the horrors of suffering sexual assault, there are right and wrong ways a caring friend can provide comfort. If you have a friend who confides in you after a sexual assault, here some Do’s and Don’ts to follow.