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Visiting Andie Murray's Shares (account name: mashkakashka)
Relationship Double Standards: Why is it okay for men to be career driven and not women??

Creation date: Nov 29, -0001 4:00 pm     Last modified date: May 22, 2019 3:50 am   Last visit date: Jun 26, 2019 8:52 am     link & embed ?...
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May 22, 2019  ( 1 post )  
3:50 am
Andie Murray (mashkakashka)

When I’d given up on forgiving my ex-husband for his screw-ups and told him I was leaving, many nasty things were said to me and by me. Shockingly, after six years of us being together, this suddenly became the time for us to discuss exactly what it was we hated about the other person.


Eventually, my ex announced that I was too career driven for him.  He honestly thought I put my career before him and our relationship. There we were, having lived together for one year and dated for four years prior to actually getting married, and he was just now telling me that my career was way too important to me. My long hours at the J-O-B made him feel unimportant and made him feel as if I was just avoiding spending time with him altogether.


Out of all his hurtful comments (some seemingly more hurtful), this one cut a little deep. The problem is that, for years, my ex would proudly describe his girlfriend’s determination and intelligence to friends and family BEFORE we got married. As soon as those vows were exchanged, his feelings changed. It seemed as if my ex was okay with the Striver Girl as the girlfriend, but expected me to become Suzie Homemaker as soon as we were married. Was that the way it was supposed to be? Hmph…I never got the memo.


Since my marriage ended, I’ve dated all types: the ones who seem to respect (and even love) a young woman’s grind and the ones who resent it because either they wish they had the same determination and are intimidated or they grew watching their mother cook, clean, and not work and expect the same from their mate.


Through online dating, I’ve come across statements in guys’ profiles like “My perfect lady will have a career, but not be married to it…” or “She can have a good career, but should be able to put her love life first…”.  When I read these, I’m thinking “Like, what the fuck??”! I would never think of putting such a statement in an online profile, nor would I demand/request that the man I’m dating put his career on the line and pay more attention to me. That’s ludicrous.


A hard-working, determined, and driven man is a huge plus to women. So why, in 2012, are career-driven women looked at as if there’s something wrong with us or expected to back down from our careers and focus on the men in our lives? I don’t have an answer for this one, but what I do know is that the man I end up with has to accept that it’s just as important to me to use my brain and skills to improve my life as it is for him to do so.


Add that to the list of qualities my ideal man will have. I’ll let you know when/if I find him.






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