Interesting meditation this morning. A very special communion with Jesus.
I sat down for morning prayers. Before I started praying I actively tried to put myself in the presence of God. I thought about today being Palm Sunday. Today is the start of Holy Week. I began to think about Jesus' passion and death.
The Agony in the Garden - Jesus faced a horrific trial. He was scared. Really scared. He prayed. He did not want to go through it. He wept. He asked God to take it from Him. He was so distressed that His sweat became like drops of blood. Three times He asked God to take the trial from Him. God said no. He said it had to be this way. And Jesus, because He had perfect love and trust in His father, accepted what had to be.
One of His trusted friends, Judas, betrayed Him. Judas sold Jesus out for 30 pieces of silver.
Jesus, who didn't have a mean bone in His body, was handed over to be tortured. He was mocked, scourged, beaten and bruised - and He hadn't done anything wrong. He had gone about faithfully doing His father's business. And for that - He was being crucified.
He was made to carry a heavy cross through the streets of Jerusalem to Golgotha, the place of crucifixion. How heavy that cross must have been - especially after having been tortured all night. It was hot outside. He was weak. He was thirsty. Every single step must have taken so much energy.
Though I know the story of Jesus' passion and death, sometimes I feel like I don't really understand it. It's hard for me to visualize and internalize what He actually went through. In a way, I want to understand better. It could only increase my Love for Him. Because everything He went through, He went through for ME. Not just somebody else. Not just for all of mankind. He went through it for ME. I've heard it said that He would have gone through all of that just to save ONE person. Because that's how much He loves each and everyone of us. For some reason, He thought we were worth it. I was worth it. It's really hard to comprehend that kind of love.
So - while I'm meditating this morning, I say to Jesus, "Let me walk with You this week. I want to understand."
Now, when I say this to Him, what I'm actually offering is "Open up my mind to help me better understand what You really went through for me."
But, this morning, Jesus talked back. He said, "Do you really want to walk with me?" And He made me understand what 'walking' with Him was really all about.
It is about facing trials in life. Scary trials. Cancer maybe. Death of a loved one. Loss of job. Tragedy. You name it. Can I accept a trial in my life? I don't get to choose the trial. God does.
If I am falsely accused this week, how will I handle it?
Am I ready to be berated? Mocked? Shamed?
What if my most trusted friends betray me this week? Am I ready to feel the pain of betrayal? How will I respond?
Wow! I'm sorry Jesus. I just can't say it. I can't say "Yes! Send me trials so I can walk with You!"
I don't want to go through trials. I hate trials!
But I can offer You this. I love You with all of my heart. I know that You are all loving, all wise, and all compassionate. I know deep inside myself that You will not allow any trial that You can not transform into something good. And so, while I cannot 'invite' a trial into my life, with Your divine help, I will do my best to bear any trials that come my way - this week and any time throughout my life. I trust that You will give me the strength to bear all for a greater good. I just ask that You not leave me - even for one second - to bear these trials alone.
Strengthen me. Use me. Unite any suffering that comes my way to Your divine suffering. Help me to be a true daughter of God, Most High.
I ask it in Your Most Holy and Loving Name.