Sacred Space /
The Importance of Ritual
Creating a Sacred Space
bringing ritual into your daily life...
a sacred space is such an important part of the time you set aside to
be together because it can set the stage for what you will share. It is
another step that puts out the message to your partner that this is
important to you, and that will translate in the rest of the evening.
Since often the time we have just for our relationship is limited,
making the space special can help you to have the most intimate meeting
with the little time you do have.
can do this ritual on your own or together. You can also take this to
different levels depending on what you are comfortable with. Tantra
sees making love as the greatest act of prayer, which to me simply
means that it acknowledges this meeting between man and woman in love
as being very powerful and holding great importance. The space will be
the container for this meeting between you. In the same way that when
you know you are going to cuddle up and watch a movie you make some
popcorn, put the pillows just so, and grab your favorite blanket, we
are setting the scene for you to open up and feel sensual in an
environment that you have created especially for this.
1. The Space: choose
a room or a space in your house that you would like to transform, clean
it thoroughly, take out any furniture that is in the way, old
paintings, etc. Create a blank slate for yourself. It will be great if
this is a space you can leave set-up and come back to every time you
meet. This will create what I might refer to as an energy in
the room, and if that's too airy-fairy for you, a body-memory so
whenever you enter this space, some part of you knows it is okay to
relax and it is time to be intimate with your partner. This sensation
has great power, when I walk into my sacred space I feel very safe and
my body immediately begins to open up.
2. The setup: what
makes you feel sensual? For some of us this can be as simple as making
sure the bed is made, for others it will include candles, incense,
flowers, etc. See if you can set aside the time to collect little
objects that will help make this room special. For example, a sheepskin
rug (the best addition to any Tantrika's room), a vase that displays your flowers in a beautiful way, cushions, wall-hangings, etc.
3. Essential Tools: remember
that in this room the sky is the limit for your sexual exploration so
be creative in what else you will fill your room with once it is
decorated. This can include oils, feathers, toys, lubricants. It is
also not limited to things you can use to please each other, but also
other things that make you feel good or remind you of something sacred
about man and woman. Crystals, different flavors of incense, a lovely
gift from your beloved, even things as simple as a large stick you
found in the yard that just felt earthy and good to you...trust your
instincts, be like a child making a fort in your parents living room,
4. Music and Sounds: the
right music will set the mood, and for the purpose of our ceremony it
is fun to collect other things that make sounds, bells, Tibetan bowls,
drums, sticks you can bang together...again, remember the energy of a
child and let that guide you.
this is starting to sound silly to you, I encourage you to remember
that this is an experiment and it is only through experimenting that we
discover new territory...
Now that your space is set up you can move on to the actual ritual. Be
sure to move very slowly, this is a great way to begin to step out of
the pace you are moving at in your daily life and invite a new kind of
relating in for you and your partner. This will set the stage for your
evening and your lovemaking. As we slow down we become more aware of
our surroundings, ourselves, and our partner.
As you look at this space you have created think about what you can do
to make this feel very special and sacred and what that means to you.
Some people like to use sage or incense and circle the room as a
'clearing' process. Perhaps you love to cook, making a meal for your
love and serving it here could make this feel like home. Maybe you
enjoy dancing and the space will feel full of love when you and your
partner have shared a dance here. All of these are ways to make this
place yours and a fertile environment for your love to grow. Below is
one example of a specific Tantric ritual for creating a sacred space,
it is by no means the only way to do it. Have fun, be creative, and
trust what feels right to you.
1. Stand across from your partner on the perimeter of what is to be your sacred space.
2. Turn to the left and walk around the space in a circle three times.
These kind of movements may feel silly, since we are not used to having
an awareness of our environment, however they are very powerful so I
invite you to suspend your disbelief...
3. As you walk think of all of the things you would like to be free
from in this space for you and your lover. Speak aloud, what you would
like to 'cast out' ex. “I cast out fear”, “I cast out feeling
inadequate”, “I cast out self-consciousness”. This will actually change
the texture of the space, trust me...nothing
is too stupid to say, sky is the limit, let go of all the things that
are holding you back in this moment, holding you back from your partner.
4. You can also make sounds, use your bells, drums, stamp your feet, have fun!
5. After three times around, pause for a moment and notice if the space feels any different.
6. Then begin to circle in the other direction, this time 'calling in'
all of the things you would like to be in the room for this meeting
between you and your beloved. ex. “ I call in love”, “I call in
sensuality”, “I call in playfulness”...you can also use your
7. Now, stand still across from each other, close your eyes, take a few
deep breaths, and feel the room. You may now open your eyes and step
into this space you have created.
Congratulations! You have created the perfect place to explore your
beloved for the first time all over again! You can use your space for
anything that feels good to do with your partner including; reading,
massage, holding each other, and of course for discovering lovemaking
in a whole new light.
*For more information on ‘Creating a Sacred Space’ check out Margo Anand’s book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy